


Fissure

by Ex-Genesis (orphan_account)



Category: Disney RPF
Genre: Angst, Incest, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-06-27
Updated: 2010-06-27
Packaged: 2017-11-12 15:49:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 554
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/492944
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/Ex-Genesis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Normally Nick was okay, fine, sometimes even happy depending on the moment.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fissure

Normally Nick was okay, fine, sometimes even happy depending on the moment. Sometimes he felt like he was splitting in two. Some days he felt like everything he had to do was doubled, yet still, at the end of the day, if he actually did everything expected of him, he got the same outcome as if he hadn't worked extra hard. He knew. He did, that his work load wasn't actually heavier; it was just that his arms were half as strong, his will stretched twice as thin. Everything he wanted for himself, for others, just felt so much farther away.  
  
Those days, surprisingly, didn't come from when his levels were off, if he'd slipped up in his diet, or his body just decided to rebel, though it did affect him, no doubt. Mostly, though, it happened when Nick would wake up and Joe was already half way down the hall when Nick was spreading toothpaste over the head of his tooth brush. When Joe sat between mom and Kevin at the breakfast table, and Frankie or dad was directly across, so Nick couldn't even sit, facing him. When Joe would laugh, looking at the screen of his cell phone, and Nick would smile out of habit, and ask Joe what was so funny, and Joe wouldn't even look up at him, would wave him off saying, "Oh, nothing..." and sigh like he was just so over-joyed he couldn't contain himself, but oh no, he couldn't share that with Nick.  
  
Nick wasn't bitter. It wasn't like that. Well, most of the time it really wasn't. He just missed Joe, was all. Sometimes it felt like Joe was miles away, backpacking through Spain, probably, even if he was belted in right next to Nick, knees brushing when Joe would adjust his shorts or shirt, trying to be more comfortable in a car that could afford to be a bit more spacey for a nineteen-year-old. He couldn't help feeling like that, and he did try to stop it, countless times.  
  
Pushing himself away from Joe sometimes, he figured that logic would say it didn't make sense for him to miss Joe, not if he was the one walking away. It never helped, never changed, never made Nick want any less of Joe. None of it was his fault at all; he liked to blame Joe, but he was actually fairly certain it was out of his brother's hands all in all.   
  
If it didn't make the world feel one hundred times better having Joe wrap his arms around him, brush his knuckles, his knee, tap his foot, give a gentle slug to the arm - hell, give not the Joe Jonas of the Jonas Brothers smile, but the Joseph Adam Jonas smile Nick had been raised to look for at every second of every day, then it really wouldn't be a case of missing Joe. Because he loved Kevin, a lot, and Frankie, and mom, and dad, but the only time he missed them was when he was literal miles away. With Joe, god, it didn't matter if Joe was one step behind him. If Joe was absent, somewhere else in his head, if his touches felt too much like Kevin's, Nick missed him more than anything.  
  
Sometimes it just really felt like he was breaking apart.


End file.
